Rocks shattering. Tsunami-like waves. Glass formed by lightning. That’s the best way to describe the thoughts swirling in my mind. Turning thirty-nine was an incredibly tough year, yet the highs are what stand out the most. I’ve surrendered all control to a higher power, and for the first time, I feel confident in the direction my life is taking.
I’ve found an inner strength to understand that everyone is responsible for carrying their own burdens. We all have our own inner demons to wrestle with, and it’s not my job to make others feel comfortable in their own skin. Maybe it’s the removal of those rose-colored glasses, but I feel a deep sense of peace within myself. When I truly grasped the saying, “You come into this world alone, and you’ll leave alone,” it felt like I finally understood my own purpose.
This year, I experienced the loss of two people who decided they were too tired to keep fighting. I also learned about a mother who almost lost her life due to a doctor’s error during childbirth—she’s still fighting to survive. These events put everything into perspective. When it comes to life and death, it’s just me. No one can ‘make it better’ or ‘fix it.’ The mind is a battlefield that only we can choose to fight or learn to let go. We must choose to live every day and respect ourselves enough to be honest with ourselves. Are we mentally sound? Do we need help? Is prayer enough, or are we ignoring the support boats that God sends our way? Can we look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Am I showing up for myself today? What am I doing to propel myself forward? Most importantly, am I fighting for myself?”
Do I see myself as enough? The only relationship that truly matters is the one we have with ourselves. It’s easy to get distracted by the noise of everyday life and the need to perfect the outside world to offset the hurricane in our minds. But what if we focused on calming that storm and finding inner peace? I think that’s the key to life. Finding inner peace.
— xoxo Sandy
The Inner Workings of My Thoughts 