Growth

If I had to pick one word to encapsulate 2024, it would be growth. This year has transformed me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. When the year began, I was wearing rose-colored glasses, always aware of the negatives but choosing to focus on the positives in every scenario, often at my own expense. It was mentally and physically exhausting. Why was no one caring about me? It’s because I didn’t set boundaries and gave them permission to treat me that way. And let’s be real, most people can be manipulative and self-serving—or maybe that’s just been my experience.

A video I came across on social media really put things into perspective. It was about how it’s not the fall that hurts, but how far you fall and where you land. Surrounding yourself with people who will soften your landing is crucial.

Having children has been mentally challenging for me, and it still is. I haven’t yet figured out how to carve out time for my own identity, and I’m struggling with this. I know what I like and dislike, but I’ve also learned to accept that the pre-baby me no longer exists—and that’s okay. I need to meet the new me, and that may take some time. During this struggle, I haven’t been surrounded by many people who ‘softened my landing.’ I had my second child during COVID, and with my lung issues requiring bi-monthly injections to breathe, my household was very strict on social distancing. Instead of understanding my concerns, people chose to be offended. We didn’t allow people to meet my daughter when she was born. Her first birthday was tough for me—I wanted to celebrate, but I was also dealing with debilitating anxiety about catching COVID. We took a risk and let our immediate families join us in a mini celebration, but it took a lot of mental courage.

Since that experience, I’ve been changed. I regularly experience anxiety and can’t be in social environments for too long. Even the thought of social settings is mentally crippling, so I have to prepare myself.

The loss of two close relatives early in 2024 set me on a journey of self-discovery. I finally understood that I needed to put myself first. I started speaking up at work about the challenges I was facing with a coworker, which was extremely difficult and took a mental toll on me. But it was necessary because working with her was affecting me. Finding the balance between who I was and who I aspire to be is still a struggle, and complaining about her performance was a painful growth experience for me. I had hidden the gaps in her performance for over a year before I finally spoke up.

I also began advocating for myself at work, understanding my value to the organization. It was time for my hard work to be acknowledged. As a result, I could no longer mask the behaviors of my ‘supporters,’ and I was no longer willing to accept subpar treatment.

Something changed in me this year. As I approach the end of 2024, I’m no longer willing to put up with subpar treatment. If people aren’t there to soften my fall, do they really need to be around?

–xoxo Sandy